Prologue

It’s a USB-C world. A world in which USB-A ports are met with scorn and ridicule. “You used me, year on year you used me. Suddenly I’m not enough? I’m taking the kids (HDMI and modem ethernet ports) and you’re never seeing them again, see how you survive without us.” It’s a world where the SD card slot has been banished, “You don’t even bring the camera on holiday anymore anyway, you’ve just been taking photos on your phone. You know, the new iPhone that comes equipped with a 3-lens kitchenette on the back”.

It doesn’t matter how many years pass, the world only wants thin. Not just thin, but thinner, the slimmest phone and the slimmest laptop you’ve ever laid your hands on. “We’ve reduced the battery life, meaning you could be stuck in the middle of nowhere, in the rain, with no umbrella, no way to call your parents or emergency services, but guess what? That phone in your pocket that’s begging for a charge? It’s the thinnest phone in the world, and this time it doesn’t bend in your pocket.” It’s all slim profiles and precision engineered, laser cut, all aluminium casings. You’ve not seen the little light up logo on the top cover of a MacBook since 2k17. Now it’s a little glossy dark apple-shaped mirror so you can look back at your cold, blank, soulless reflection as you remember a time when your laptop had a DVD slot. Yes, that’s right, the personal computer was so revolutionary that you could take your DVDs out onto the road and not need to bring a whole separate DVD player to watch them. It’ll do that and so much more for you. It’s your all-in-one, you can do everything and anything with it. The personal computer, Steve Jobs’ tagline for the first Macintosh. The world isn’t so promising anymore. It’s all about minimalism, you see. Why provide useful ports to cover various scenarios when we can charge you upwards of a grand for a laptop that only has USB-C ports and then you have no choice but to buy a dongle so you can plug in your USB(-A) stick that’s got all your important files and presentations on?

How about a story? You’re in bed, you’re recovering from a cough, there’s an unprecedented amount of phlegm being expelled from your body. You’ve taken the day off work, and at some point as you lie in bed you remember those photos from the family trip to Rome a couple months ago, the ones you told your mother you’d email to her so she can print them for the photo album, but work has been busy so you never got the chance. What better time than now to reminisce over blurry family photos with some stranger’s thumb completely covering your face? The camera is there on the bookshelf in arm’s reach. You get it, take the SD card out. It’s between your thumb and forefinger. Muscle memory knows exactly where that card slot is, so much so that your arm is at the perfect angle and is moving at the most precise rate of speed. You know that you’ll soon meet the warm embrace of those contact pins. What your muscles didn’t bother to remember is that this isn’t the same laptop you had in university. No this is a brand new 2020 MacBook Pro in the colour “dark soul-sucking matter”. Your muscles lock, not sure what the next move is. Your blood has run cold, because all you see are 2 USB-C ports. Your heart begins to race, but you take a deep breath because maybe on this newer model, the SD card slot, the ethernet port, the HDMI port, the USB-A ports, they’re all just on the other side. It’s going to be okay. Actually, it’s not going to be okay, because on the other side is only another 2 USB-C slots and a headphone jack (thank God there’s still one familiar face). You can’t even get angry because the past 2 days your energy has been sapped by phlegm-induced delirium. You give up, tossing the SD card into a bedside drawer that you’ll empty out in a few months to make room for something more important. You close the laptop, flinching at how cold it is to the touch before pushing it to the other side of the bed. You might as well just focus on getting better, getting some sleep to escape this nightmare. You’ve made a mental note which will be forgotten in 30-seconds to buy an adapter, “Is it USB-C to SD or SD to USB-C? It’s the same thing I guess, right?”. It isn’t, and you’ll find your shopping for yet another adapter when you realise you need a HDMI port for that big presentation at work. You figure you’ll just by an all-in-one adapter, but it won’t be the same. As sleep begins to wash over you, your left nostril gets blocked. You scream out into the night, wondering where it all went wrong.

A potentially perfect laptop

If you’re wondering why it’s taking me so long to actually get to the point and describe what my perfect laptop would look like, suck it up. I’m kidding of course, but seriously, let’s actually enjoy the trip down memory lane. Why the drama? Theatrical effect. It’s not the biggest issue going on in the world by any stretch whatsoever and really, we should absolutely not be buying new laptops or other devices. What I'm really trying to highlight is how laptops are constantly changing with regards to their design and I really believe those changes are not always for the better. With that in mind, what does the perfect laptop look like? Well, the answer will be different for us all, but I'll tell you what I would like.

I’ve been a big Mac lover for a while now (the laptop not the burger). I always thought MacOS just looked cooler, straight out of the future. Older versions of Windows fondly remind me of my primary school IT classes, but today I don’t really care for Windows. However, recently I've been really enjoying learning how to use Linux (I use Arch btw). Linux has shown me how fun it can to fully customise your setup. Using a distro like Arch has also addressed a massive pain point for me: bloatware. It's always irked me that popular operating systems just have random software and apps installed that are difficult or impossible to remove if you don't use them. I'm very much a I-have-only-what-I-need type of person (not a strict minimalist, but not a hoarder either), so the fact that I have to go fairly deep into my iPhone settings just to remove Safari because it's not my preferred mobile browser is irritating. With Arch you essentially start with a black screen and have to go from there. It's taught me what is actually useful to have, where I can find free open-source alternatives, and that I can have everything on my laptop look exactly as I want. Things like a login manager, an app launcher, a task bar, all things I previously took for granted because they were either already configured on my Mac or were easy enough to install. Should everyone move to using Arch Linux? No, it's sort of a pain to even install and it's probably only fun if you're into software and don't have much a life. Nonetheless, it's been a fun OS to use that's taught me a lot.

I currently have a Lenovo ThinkPad T480 running Arch that I've been using to dabble in homelabbing. The thing with ThinkPads is that from everything I've read online almost everyone just buys one second-hand. That's probably to do with the fact that they're today's version of the Nokia brick phone, but in laptop form. They're made of lightweight, durable materials and models like the T480 were made with modularity in mind, meaning you could take it apart and switch out the components to achieve whatever specs you need, or simply repair it when something goes wrong. Running Arch Linux on a machine like a T480 feels right considering you end up with a highly customisable OS on what is already a highly customisable peace of hardware. I love any product that forces you to get to know it inside and out in order to get the best experience.

Using the ThinkPad more and more it started to become hard not to notice how different it was from my MacBook when it came to ports. My 2020 MacBook Pro just has 5 ports and 4 of them are USB-C. The ThinkPad however...

• 1 USB-C port
• 2 USB-A ports
• HDMI port
• Modem ethernet port
• SD card slot
• Headphone jack

I'm well aware that the biggest argument against having all these ports is along the lines of "Well, people just don't use them enough" or "By having less ports, there can be bigger battery capacity" or "This device needs to be paper thin for no real reason other than being able to tell customers this device is paper thin. Screw your ports". In my opinion, these arguments aren't good enough. The drive for thinner devices doesn't make sense anymore. Take the new iPhone Air. Yes, people agree it's kind of cool how thin it is, but no one's really convinced enough to spend hundreds of pounds on a phone that sacrifices battery capacity for looks. I get that ethernet and maybe even HDMI ports aren't as widely used, but why should our devices become a limitation? When I pay upwards of £1500 for a laptop, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that it be ready for most scenarios. For example, WiFi isn't performing as expected and I need to attend important meetings. The temporary solution? Ethernet. Even removing the HDMI port is crazy when you realise how many people work from home and how many home office setups usually mean having a laptop plugged into a monitor via HDMI. Apple must have realised this mistake at some point since the 2023 M3 MacBook I use for work suddenly has the HDMI port back. It's always amusing to me when Apple doesn't mention these little things at WWDC events, "Hey, we know it was kind of stupid to take away the HDMI port and the SD card slot, but they're back now so let's resume talking about the thinnest phone on the planet". I like to think of laptops as Swiss army knives; I might not use all of its features every single day, but those features are there when I need it.

I’m a software developer, hardware is not my area of expertise so if you at home is reading this and laughing at me for certain choices, I don’t blame you. Maybe what I’m proposing isn’t viable because space is needed for other more important components. Regardless, I've come up with an idea for what would be my perfect laptop regarding materials, design, ports, and OS.

Materials

MacBooks look sleek, I'll give them that, but whenever I take the 16-inch M3 Mac when I'm travelling for work I always notice how heavy it is. I imagine the 14-inch isn't much lighter. The laser-cut aluminium casing is cool, but it's heavy. I'd probably want my laptop built out of more lightweight and durable materials. This has the added benefit of not being too precious about the laptop itself and freaking out whenever there's the tiniest dent or scratch in the aluminium. It doesn't need to be indestructible, just durable. Something sustainable would be preferred, but I don't have a clue at all about what lightweight, durable, and sustainable materials are out there that could be used for building a laptop?

Design

I have laptops ranging from 13 to 16 inches. Bigger isn't better. I'd probably go for a 14-inch laptop since it's a decent enough size to still be able to travel with, take out on the train and get some work done. As I've said many times already, I don't really care if my laptop is ultra-thin. If it has all the ports I want, I'm not going to be crying over a couple extra cm in thickness. Speaking of ports...

Ports

Ports is something I think about a lot. Not just what ports are available but even where they're located. Below is a not-so-artistic sketch of both sides of what would be a perfect laptop.

I've tried to make full use of the available space. The DVD slot is definitely overkill, but I miss having it on the older Macs so I've included it. Maybe the world is moving towards USB-C, but USB-A is still a thing and it likely won't just vanish overnight so I'm keeping it. I'm keeping all of this because to buy additional adapters when you've spent almost £2000 on a laptop is, in my opinion, really dumb.

OS

It's a toss up between MacOS and Arch Linux, but I'd probably go for Arch since it forces me to learn more about what I actually need and I really value that. MacOS is what I'd go for if I need something that's ready to use out of the box.

Conclusion

Like I already said, I think laptops and Swiss army knives aren't too dissimilar, they should be prepared for most scenarios and needs. Substance over style. Smart devices are too smart for their own good. I've been thinking a lot about how not only devices, but even household appliances have changed drastically in the last 10 years. They’ve got all these extra features and processes that are constantly running and consuming energy for no real purpose. There was a time appliances like a washing machine were made to last 20+ years easily. What about nowadays? Well, your fridge is now considered a ‘smart fridge’ and it can display Apple TV ads. And no, you can’t skip that ad. The camera from earlier? It will collect dust, but when you plug in its charger after 15 years have passed, it’ll still turn on and it’ll still take photos. Just like that JVC VHS/DVD player that’s only got a blanket of dust keeping it warm as it sits on the bottom shelf of your TV stand. The remote is discoloured and the battery slot is corroding, but throw in a couple AA batteries and it’s turning on. It’ll be there to play all those DVDs and VHS tapes as many times as you want. It won’t ask you for a monthly fee of £6.99 (or £399.99 to stream with no ads) or a wifi connection to play your favourite films and tv shows. This is physical and tangible media, you bought it once and it’s yours forever. Nothing but good, honest ownership. I'm going a bit of a tangent, but thinking about my perfect laptop did end up leading me to think about how most devices and appliances are just not what they used to be.

Merry Christmas.

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